Too late to go back to sleep...

Ive been really negative lately and I apologize...... to myself.

THe only thing I do with being negative is hold myself back. How cheesy is that.

It's very true though! Playing large and living large (in a good way) only can boost yourself - not speaking vainly but in a real positive way, it does help with everyday things that one might find tedious or stupid after a while.

For example, I was very negative in the practice room tonight; it probably was the sum of many factors: just finished a stupid paper that wasnt all that well-done, was already tired, my unkempt beard was driving me batty, certain people made me mad, I still have that ohter paper to do thats looming due monday, etc. Any of these things kept popping in my mind, adn then the pressure of my lesson on friday; the last one didn't go too well and I want to make sure I can play all my stuff a lot better tahn I did last week (it only makes sense) but I do everything he tells me to do and I still can't do certain things like I want to! I know it takes time but I dont have a patience vending machine where I can just pop in 50c and wait it out for a few months. That would be nice to have but I don't have 50c, i have a trombone and a set of lips that wont work right.

Then there's that embouchure change.... rawr.

It's beginning to grow on me, but I keep digressing into something else subconciously when it starts to sound good, and I lose focus on getting off my upper lip.

So I guess the oint of this was to blow off steam for no reason... I think Thanksgiving break will be wonderful and I think a lot of people feel the same way. It just sucks that it can't come NOW and be wonderful NOW instead of later. It reminds me of the big philosophical rant about "why does suffering happen to the just and not as often to the unjust - why does the burning deer in the forest die the way it dies, and why does it take exactly taht long, why not 5 seconds less" etc etc.

I do like philosophy but not enough to end a post on it.

oops.