upset

black orpheus if you will...

i am sick and tired of being a fat bastard. tired of making excuses, tired of succumbing, falling back, being HELD back and most importantly tired of the way i feel. i keep thikning of the future, what it will bring if i continue on this path of fat bastard-dom.

i dont wnat to think like that anymore.

thinking back, ive never really beaten anything... video games, tournaments, you name it, i either didnt quite finish or i lost, big time. granted theres things to learn from failing but I'VE QUIT FAILING. theres not enough time in the day to quit and throw my arms up when stuff gets tough. i can't run away either - things will follow me, replacements will be there wherever i go.

i hate what ive become, and i hate what i might make myself one day if i stay in this state.