Hope it's not chronic..

I've had a cough for a few days. Not sure why, but Matthew tells me he had it for a month, and he got it from Joe. Guarana? Tsk tsk. good for a short jittery burst, then a debilitating crash.

So I'm officially OLD - no, that's not true. My mom and dad are 50, and they're not quite old yet. I mean, I've started to take on a real role of a teacher, and maybe even could be construed as something of a possible role model. That SUCKS! That doesn't mean I can't have fun and all but still, it's another end-of-an-era type of feeling, the same feeling I got just about a year ago when Charles told me that me and Adam leaving for college was the end of an era for him. I hated that feeling.. now i've only seen him like 3 times this summer, and i can't help but think it's because of that era thing.

I doubt it-- we're both busy; one has a girlfriend, the other has a life. Ha, kidding.

Anyway, getting back on to the semitopic.. I can remember, vividly, being exactly where the first-year band ppl are this week: brand new to band, the whole concept and meeting new people.. Some are nervous, some to the point of being backwards, others just being plain odd. Still, they're drawn back in.. dunno why, but they are. They come back every day (or at least they're SUPPOSED to) and do the same thing... Unawares of what's going on in the heads of the people who were there where they are just 8 years ago. For some, it's not even that.. (cue Zero Mostel & Tradition here, plzkthx)

.."how do we keep our balance?" he asks.. The answer is of course tradition. This "sunrise, sunset" of the growing up etc etc blablabla rhetoric people spew when new things happen, that all fits here. But I'm saying like.. it's just plain weird to be experiencing, not quite deja vu, but... (this post is about to become very Rachel-y.. lol) the feeling that you shouldn't be where you are.

So, that bit probably happens to a lot of people, but I'm still thinking like I should be where I am, I am here because I love what I do, I hope to make a difference with it. BUT... I should still be that scared 8th grader that has to go to the bathroom but won't because there are football players downstairs and they'll beat him up or something awful like that. Or that new freshman trombone player who can't decide whether or not to trust the overweight guy sitting next to him that wears the black and white shoes every day and always has that Paddy's tshirt on. Or that kid who, after the band director was motioning him to "bring his part out" asked if he should scoot up. Or that silly college sophomore who worries way too much about the future and doesn't look enough at the present to realize what he's got.

I think back to band camps previous and how I viewed the instructors. They were all automatically cool because they were young (most of the time) and were new - a change of pace.. plus I always thought they were experts in their field. HA! ... Although, I don't know half the band this year - I'm learning who/what they are but they won't learn much about me (that's okay tho)...

Stopping the lameness here, I'll summarize this post to say that I am nervous about making a bad impression on these childrens, and hope that I can do as good, no, a better job with them as my old teachers did with me.

Sorry, that was lame too.